Let’s meet the players:
VICTIM – He/She says “Poor Me”
Feels victimized, oppressed, helpless, hopeless, powerless, ashamed.
Looks for a Rescuer that will perpetuate their negative feelings about themselves and the world.
If they stay in the Victim position, they will block self from making decisions, solving problems, pleasure and self- understanding.
PERSECUTOR – He/She says “It’s All Your Fault”
Feels victimized and lashes out- Blames, Criticizes, Keeps Victim oppressed, is mobilized by anger, Rigid, authoritative stance, “Critical” Parent
RESCUER – He/She says “Let Me Help You”, “Here I come to save the day!”
“Too nice” – Rescues when really doesn’t want to but Feels guilty if doesn’t rescue.
Keeps victim dependent by believing “Let me take care of it, because you can’t.”
The Victim Triangle is one of the most popular games people play and the foundation of co-dependency. In TA, they have been referring to people playing games long before calling someone a “player” was a common practice. This behavior is a game without winners and yet we constantly engage in it. You can see it happening in a microcosm of one person all the way to nations. An individual game would look like this: [P] “Gosh, I’m so stupid”, [V] “I can’t do anything”, [R] “I’ll eat/drink/take this to feel better”. It is the hero story with the villain and the witless victim.
So, why are we so nice? Some of us do it to be liked. Some of us do it as a duty. Whatever the reason is that we, as rescuers, believe we can do something others can’t. We help because we feel sorry for someone because they are not able to do for themselves. Yes, you may be reacting to these accusations but they are said with love and understanding. A person doesn’t choose to be a therapist because it’s cool. We are professional Rescuers!