What a year…

I have tried to figure out if this needed to be a long, rambling post/rant or to try and just hit the highlights/low-lights. I am breaking down the highlights/low-lights by month. Hopefully it won’t be as draining for you to read as it was for me to write.

January: My dear father-in-law had two strokes and a heart attack. He’s 62. It was chaotic to say the least. His Type 2 diabetes got the best of him and I wish no one had to suffer the way he has.

February: My oldest friend from childhood, Alan Metcalf, died at 35. He had brain cancer. I remember the last time I saw him face to face, in the fall of 2008. There were 2 rainbows in the sky after it had rained. He looked at me and said “How fortuitous is it that we here, right now together, witnessing such a miracle”.

When he died, he was taking 4 different types of chemotherapy at Duke University Medical Center—a first to my understanding. He did so many things in his lifetime that I am amazed at all he accomplished. Alan was a teacher, a musician, a city councilman, a realtor, had a tax service with his parents, a rabid NC State Fan and Alumnus, but more importantly he had a faith like I have never witnessed. Rest in peace, my dear friend.

March: Dealing with stuff for my father-in-law. Lots of things to help my sister-in-law and mother-in-law clean up.

April/May: I am in MD visiting my in-laws when I get the phone call that my maternal grandfather, “Daddy”, was being taken to Carolinas Medical Center, 120 miles from home. He had advanced Parkinson’s disease and a shunt for Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus (NPH). His doctors were in Charlotte, he was very sick and they felt it was the best place for him.

Pop was admitted on April 6^th. He was to have come home on the 14^th, however that day he crashed and suffered a massive stroke. On April 21^st, we pulled his life support. Being the stubborn man he was, he lingered three weeks, until May 9, 2009, at 2:00am.

He was in hospice for the last week. Before that, it was constant trips to CMC, cooking meals, taking food, talking to doctors and nurses. Family flying in to visit and staying with me. My husband was in California on business the week he crashed, so not having my best friend here with me was difficult, but I will tell you, my community on Twitter pulled through and I had so much support from all over the world, it was unreal.

My heart still breaks. I miss kissing his cheek, him rubbing my tummy. The smell of his Halston Z-24. This was the man who took me to my ball games, slipped me his credit card to go shopping, taught me how to back a car up a long curvy driveway, went with me when I bought my first car, took me to the hospital when I was so sick from pancreatitis I thought I was going to die, and always let me know where he had hidden the chocolate. Biologically, he was my grandfather, but he did everything a Daddy does for his little girl and more.

June: A numbing blur or settling things with my family and coping with the loss of my Grandfather. Heartbreaking and heartbroken. To top it all off, for reasons I won’t go into here, at this point, I am not speaking with my hubby’s mother and sister. It’s a tug of war and I hate those. What hurt most? They never called me. Never once told me they were sorry he was gone. Just couldn’t understand why I wasn’t able to help them with their stuff during April…

Back to my father-in-law, this time having double bypass surgery. Wound up being a triple bypass and had brain stem ischemia. He gets put into ICU for an extended time after surgery.

July: Vacation. 12 days at the NC coast. Took MawMaw with us. It was the first time she had been on vacation without PawPaw and the first time to the beach without him. Lots of tears. She was still in such a fog. Still dealing with settling everything after Pop’s death and missing him…it makes me see how deep the loss affects you as a spouse when you lose the one you had spent nearly 60 years with. Peanut turned 9. Went to MD to see my father-in-law without letting anyone knowing we were coming. Shell shocked was the appropriate reaction.

August: More of the same. Hubby on the road, Peanut starting school. Me pondering new business with bestie. Father-in-law has been moved to long term ICU on Capitol Hill. Pops birthday was August 26^th. I celebrated his memory with a large glass of wine.

September: 10 years of marriage! Babysitter was sick, but that’s ok, Peanut enjoyed his night out at the Melting Pot. My husband is the most generous, caring, giving man in the world. I love him so much and am thankful everyday that I logged into that chat room almost 12 years ago and met him.

October: Birthdays for me and hubby. Started new job as Charlotte City Editor for www.SavvySource.com and am loving it. Went to the beach for Halloween. Trick or Treating, good friends and an offer to come back the 1^st week of November and property sit. A good month.

November: I had some alone time at the beach. It was nice. It was also the first time I had spent the night anywhere, by myself in over 10 years. My productivity levels were insanely high and I sent my first book to an agent. Thanksgiving was good and I am getting more comfortable in my own skin as a blogger. Fred came home from long-term ICU and his prognosis is good.

On a sad note, my 22 year old cousin was found dead at his college the day before Thanksgiving. Still not sure about cause of death, I haven’t had the heart to ask his mother.

December: New business, while still very much under wraps is a go! We are partnered and ready to tackle the world head-on. Christmas has been a joy, minus the entire thing with my Dad. I am moving forward on a site design for Daily Pinch and think it will be fantastic when I am done.

They say whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and they also say in everyone’s life a little rain must fall. Well, I’m still here even though at times I literally felt like I couldn’t take any more and this may have been a little rain the same way Noah’s Ark was just a boat.

But I’m still here and I’m looking forward to 2010. But I’m also looking forward to some quiet, after this past year. As Michael Sullivan said in the movie “Sleepers:”

“It’s time for quiet, Shakes.

I just want to shut my eyes and not have to see the places I’ve been.

I’m weary…”